Relationships – what makes and breaks them?
ost of us have experienced the hope and heartbreak down Relationship Avenue in one form or another. If it works, there is nothing like it in the whole world, and if it fails there is no greater misery either!
What is the secret behind a good relationship and one that is not? What is it that makes some unions ‘click’ and others fail? There has been much debate centered around this issue for a long, long time. A single, uncomplicated answer is yet in the making – and the chances are that there will never be such an answer. Nowadays, we tend to simply assign the word ‘Chemistry’ to it – which appropriately surrounds the whole, complex phenomena of love and attraction in a halo of green smoke, blinding flashes and chemical mumbo-jumbo as likely to be found in a high-school science lab filled with mischief-makers! Relationships are indeed fraught with the same degree of uncertainty, complexity and of course, pure undiluted fun (or pain, as the case may be).
The success or failure of relationships as stated here is not how long, or how well a relationship is outwardly going on but refers more to how happy and content the parties inwardly are. People may be married or living together, sometimes even for decades on end, with their lives very much inter-twined economically and socially, and yet be living like strangers in their own different compartments, albeit unhappily – or happily ignorant of all the happiness teeming outside their own little worlds. Isn’t that a sad fact?
Remarkably though, the importance of compatibility is greatly influenced by the length or expected duration of a relationship. Clearly there will be no unhappiness or discontent coming from a relationship if one has little or no expectations from it! For some people, nothing at all matters for a short fling with someone else, and understandably so. Compatibility issues generally begin to grow important, however, for relationships of any length, when the beauty of life begins to blossom everywhere or one begins to experience the torment of hell right here on earth.
Even today, not so much in North America as in some other parts of the world, would-be lovers, parents and ‘matchmakers’ go about the sacred task of finding partners, by looking for guidance to the heavens above, coming from the stars and planets, as it were, or Astrology.
Many, especially young adults, on the other hand, would only consider the beauty and physical attraction of another, when embarking upon a new relationship. Physical compatibility is often argued as the most important characteristic to be considered in any relationship.
In recent years much emphasis has been placed on Emotional Intelligence as an important ingredient for a successful relationship. The ability to listen and relate to the needs of the other person, for example, is a priceless commodity in any relationship. The importance of intellectual compatibility cannot be overstated for most relationships. Partners often accuse each other of a lack (or excess!) of intelligence or common-sense – the inability to understand, relate to or converse about seemingly down-to-earth, day-to-day matters. Some believe that partners with fairly similar IQ levels have happier relationships. It should be borne in mind that a higher IQ does not necessarily mean better in this instance.
Of course, some others argue, any relationship cannot survive if there is no economic stability. Hence, the importance of money, a good job, education / ability or future prospects sometimes begin to take precedence over good looks, age, intelligence or what the stars may tell.
What about a similarity of interests? One may ask. What if you want to discuss the stock-market and all your partner knows about or talks about is sports? Unless one of them is willing to give in to the other, or both of them take turns in compromising, a little thing like this could easily spell disaster to a relationship.
In recent years the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) has also been increasingly used to ‘match’ people together. It was originally created during World War II believing that a knowledge of personality preferences would help women who were entering the industrial workforce for the first time identify the sort of war-time jobs where they would be ‘most comfortable and effective’ – source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator. For this a persons ‘MBTI’ (of 16 different possibilities) is arrived at by asking a series of questions. Psychologists and other thinkers have come up with a strategy of matching ‘personality types’ thus obtained. Arguably, this indicator could be representative of all, or most of, the other factors mentioned previously combined together.
Considering all of the above, it is evident why chemistry is so elusive. It is just so complicated! To add to the mayhem, we lead increasingly busy lives in spite of all the supposedly labor-saving devices we surround ourselves with. We have no time to stand and stare, presumably more so now than what it was for William Henry Davies. Now, do we need to wonder why there are so many lonely people, or why so many marriages end in divorce?
Good relationships are definitely made in heaven but it does obviously take lots of effort on our part right here on earth, with our own lives, preferably right now, to get it right! Seldom would the damsel of your heart or Mr. Right come galloping into your life if you do not go out and find them. Sadly, we live in a day and age when social interaction is almost non-existent and/or beyond reach to many people – and the notion of going out and finding them is often fantasy.
I created this site just for this reason, responding to this modern-day pathos. It would be my greatest happiness to see more and more people, young and old, use this site and find the desire of their dreams. I warmly welcome YOU into this community of contented users! Simply register and create a profile or two, always keeping in mind that there are hundreds of people in the world, possibly even thousands, looking for someone just like you and probably being needlessly lonely as well, right at this moment!
It is 100% FREE and I intend to keep it that way. You can help do that by registering, creating profiles and inviting others as well. You don’t have to spend a cent, except perhaps for the electricity used by your computer. Enjoy your stay and most of all have fun!
I am always looking for ways to improve this site. Whilst sincerely thanking everyone who has provided valuable feedback so far, I will be very grateful for any feedback, constructive or otherwise that you yourself may have for me!
Enjoy and feel free to invite your friends too!