Expectations

an important and often neglected ingredient

At some point in every relationship, sometimes even before it starts, the decision is taken whether you want to make it work. This decision may be a quick, clinical one or it may be drawn out over a 'period of time where it dawns gradually on you either that 'this is too good and should be made to work” – or conversely, 'this will never work and it should come to an end'.

If a relationship is categorized into the 'make it work' category, 'expectations' begin to play a huge role in its success or breakdown.

You are lazing in your favorite chair and your partner is busy in the kitchen or reading the newspaper. He / she stops what they are doing and walks toward you and you think (expect) a kiss – instead what really happens is he / she picks up a newspaper and sits down on the chair furthest from you and begins to read.

Anything could happen from this point ranging between the two extremes: 1. you continue lazing in the chair, totally unaffected by what happened 2. you become totally unhappy.

Hope and expectations are a very important aspect of our lives and bring joy to every human endeavor. Nothing worthwhile ever happens without it. To appreciate the good things that happen around us, we should definitely have some form of expectation to form the foundation upon which to base the enjoyment of the results.

Expectations turn into becoming unhealthy when they are unrealistic or unreasonable. It is not a good thing to hope for the impossible or the unreasonable to happen. The chances of anything happening has its own set of probabilities and chances. So many different things can happen to prevent events from taking place just as expected. When it comes to relationships, these chances often depend on the thoughts and mental states of the other person! Considering this, it is amazing how anything at all ever happens as expected.

My first job was at a bank with really bad management. A few days after I joined it, one of my colleagues, a close friend to this day, advised me thus, “If you want to be happy in this place, just don't have any expectations”. I was immediately struck by the deep meaning in those words and they have grown into every area of my life. Although in the beginning I heard it somewhat like “just accept whatever that's dished out”, it quickly transformed itself into “you cannot do much about what's happening now, but you are indeed the architect of your future”.

Relationships are hard work. We should never forget that important point. They need to be lovingly maintained like a bed of roses. They have to be tended to very religiously and maintained with lots of tender loving care. The slightest neglect and ugly weeds will start to sprout from nowhere. If we are to enjoy their beauty we should necessarily give them copious amounts of our time and lots of love. It is only then that they will demand the admiration of our family and friends. Even so, we cannot realistically expect them to bloom and smile every morning. On some mornings they will be radiant and lovely and on others they will be withered and droopy – that's just the way things are. The ability to brave failure without shame and to take effective action to increase the chances of success in the future is also very important when it comes to maintaining a good relationship (Relationships -- what makes and breaks them)

Relationships are made in heaven. Some relationships are never meant to be and I am not referring to those. There are those heady ones that come mushrooming and burn themselves out as suddenly, as they are obviously destined to be. Rising out of the chaff, once in a while, there is the one that blooms and tries to rise above the rest. Now, that is made in heaven and needs to be maintained. Your unfulfilled expectations of today are great sources of encouragement for tomorrow, and they have the power to show what you could do now to mold the future into just about anything that you heart desires.